CHAPTER 60: Bionics and Tutus and a New Job, Oh My!
Ahhh! The fleeting 50s! By far, my best decade. I’m not sure where it went but holy shit, it’s gone. It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about my fascinating existence so here goes...
On March 8th I had hip resurfacing surgery. Yes, I am now BIONIC! Arthritis had finally taken its toll and I could barely walk, let alone run. The goal of this surgery versus a total hip replacement is to be able to do high impact activities again, and yes, training for and running the NYC marathon in 2022 qualifies as high impact! So, we moved the spare bed downstairs into the living room, borrowed a giant raised toilet seat and a walker, then headed off to Crouse at o’dark hundred that morning. I was supposed to come home that day but due to circumstances beyond my control, I ended up staying overnight. I’m not going to lie, I was pretty grateful to stay. However, there was an issue I never saw coming…..the dreaded bedpan! Now, I had never used a bedpan before and was seriously concerned about, well, you know, things! I started to cry and the nurse asked what was wrong and I told her, “I think I have to poop!” She nonchalantly said, “Well, go ahead.” Now, I can surely poop in the woods, but it’s only me and the wildlife who will ever see that, so, no big deal. How could this young 25 year old with a blue streak in her hair and fancy nails look at an old lady's poop? Well, what are you gonna do? She brought the bedpan and the urge to poop immediately vanished. Peeing was no better. I had the sensation that I was peeing all over the back of my legs. More waterworks! I did prevail though and the 2nd, 3rd and 4th times were easier. I’m lying, I cried every time.
TUTU RECOVERY & THE BIG 6-0
3 weeks into recovery, I turned 60. Pandemic, a walker, Dan helping me with socks and undies, what’s there to celebrate? Ummm, turning 60, that’s what! I really wanted a real live race with a big after party with Trish Delish and pizza but effin covid! So, I invented and put on my own virtual race, Tutu Foolish 6.0K. I had great help with the registration and swag and whaddaya know, people actually signed up! 156 people! I was blown away when the registrations started coming in! It really was fun and took my mind off laying in bed. I would text Dan who was just upstairs, probably trying to stay away from me, “I’m up to 10, nope 11, nope, 12…” You get the idea, I was excited. AND then, on my actual birthday, I had a tutu parade of runners who did the race from my house! I went out and hugged them all. Runners are the best! All totalled, after all the race finances were taken care of, I was able to write a check to the Alzheimer’s Association of CNY for $4000! I'm pretty proud of myself and humbled by the number of participants. Next year, I want that live race with the big after party!!!
Tutus weren’t the only great thing about turning 60. A friend dressed up as a sexy cop and showed up at my house and I had no idea who it was. I went out with friends to our favorite restaurant that we hadn’t been to in over a year. I got fully vaccinated. AND, wait for it... I quit my job! 18 years! 60 makes you think things, like, “This isn’t fun anymore” and “Why not try something new?” Life is short and there is too damn much fun to be had! I have a new job so I’ll be learning new things and meeting new people. Wish me luck, maybe they’ll be open to the tutu lifestyle!
Three months into recovery and I am swimming, riding my bike and yearning for the day when I can run again. I'm using my time between jobs to love my garden again, re-arrange Wonderland for the summer and do the niggly jobs that I hate to do. I even changed the handle on the toilet! I surely thought that was a boy job for Dan but nope, I took care of that shit! That’s what 60 year olds do!